I'm asking you, from the inside looking out, what are the greatest, biggest misconceptions about our lifestyle, kink and fetish by those not actually involved?
This is one place to help correct wrong ideas, adjust misaligned views and eliminate unfair prejudices...
One that always gets me is the assumption that a Dom/sub relationship is automatically not one between equals, even abusive and violent...
What do you think? What other examples do you have?
Love,
Aidan x
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The myth about Top = Dominant and bottom = submissive. Submissive Tops and Dominant bottoms are both are pretty common (in the vanilla world too).
ReplyDeleteBDSM = pain & torture...
ReplyDeleteBDSM = play/pretend (rather than a real, viable lifestyle choice)
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people who come across a kink or fetish see the really intense ones first, for example the latex, the masks, the needles fetish, the blood fetish etc..I think that scares many off!
ReplyDeleteI also think many are scared to try new things, even if at first it may seem so strange..another example being a foot fetishist but I suppose in the vanilla world even trying anal is a massive no no.
I think many misunderstand that whatever you try, you are in control to say no..even being submissive to a person, you are still in control of the situation.
Yes, I agree. There's definitely a tendency to 'show off' and for sensationalism. Perhaps that scares people off, being introduced really at the wrong end of things. Aidan x
ReplyDeletePeople misunderstand pain, I don't think vanilla understand pain can be pleasure, I also think they jump to a conclusion that a whip or flogger hurts a lot more than it really does which scares them off..
ReplyDeleteThat kink & fetish are only part of someone's life and DO NOT define them as a whole.
ReplyDeleteAnother one is that a sub/bottom/slave is automatically into humiliation...
ReplyDeleteI think that vanilla people think that all fetish based play is strictly about pain. They do not take into account that there is a massive range of different fetishes.
ReplyDeleteMind you my partner and I have witnessed many examples of people entering a dungeon enviroment at clubs etc with a willingness to experiment only to have a "dom" wade straight in and batter the crap out of them at the first stroke. This does the scene no good as it just scares inqisitive people in their early steps.
Oh yes, I have seen that sort of 'Dom behaviour' myself... Sad, arrogant and completely unhelpful! Ax
ReplyDeleteI think it shocks them into confusion because they see no inhibitions in the scene yet modern life is SO suppressed by the authorities! It's also a ignorance of the scene most of the time! xxx
ReplyDeleteNot all BDSM is as extreme as Google Images would like to show you.
ReplyDeleteHere's another one: The idea that a Dominant lives out his fantasy that he can't in real life (as he is disempowered there), or the opposite, that a submissive must be a really tough, hardcore dominant person in real life who is just trying to 'make up for that' or find balance by being submissive during playtime...
ReplyDeleteThe myth about automatic promiscuity is also a popular misconception about the scene.
ReplyDelete20yrs ago it was more about top and bottom... over the years the fetish lingo has changed a lot (just like music and the many split hairs over which genera is which)... easy for someone to look at "old" labels/info and get the wrong ideas about what is going on now.
ReplyDeleteThat and sex HAS to be part of BDSM... when it doesnt... though i like when it is...
I get a lot of people who assume because I'm into kink I must be polyamorous or a swinger etc. There's nothing wrong with not being into monogamy but it just confuses me that people think you couldn't possibly practice kink or BDSM with just one committed partner at a time.
ReplyDeleteFirstly just to play devil's advocate no one the fact that Vanillas see BDSM and other Fetish through there own eyes and with their limited knowledge. Some are willing to learn but are hampered by the so called moral compass, that judgmental Vanillas believe exist . Other Vanillas want to learn and understand but some in the Fetish scene are just as judgmental as those Vanillas mentioned above and snob them or are so horrid to the Vanillas and intolerant of the fact that they are inexperienced and put them off. There are also as Mark mentioned some in the scene that are a very bad representation of the way of life and life style to some. Just being devil's advocate please do not shoot I was just being mischievous , honest.
ReplyDeleteNow to the question at hand, one misconception is that Doms just grab weak and helpless women and make them their Subs. What they don't realise is that a Sub chooses whom she wants as a Master weighs him, finds him suitable and not lacking then she gives herself. When she does gives herself it is a gift to given to her Master hence it called submission and not snatched, which they do not realise . I use her and she here as the misconception is the way a female Sub is picked
ReplyDeletei always find it funny when people think they know me or know what i should be.... guy last few days has been begging for me to domme him and give orders and bs like that.... so not my personality, that is effort and work... i have children for that (not all Dom/me's are alike)
ReplyDeleteWhen you tell people you have spent the night in an BDSM club they think you got up all sorts of things. In reality I was just chatting with friends and catching up on things, I can play but am not really in the mood most times.
ReplyDelete