Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Finding the Courage to Reveal a Fetish - By Jillian Keenan (New York Times)

 "DAVID doesn’t remember this conversation, but I won’t forget.

“Nice belt,” I said, gesturing to the red canvas belt around his waist. 

We had met a few weeks earlier through a Stanford student group. He was quiet and broad-shouldered. I liked him right away. 

“I have a leather one, too,” he replied, smiling. 

I was thunderstruck. For as long as I remember, I’ve been fairly obsessed with spanking. This obsession felt impossible to share, so I was always hungry for cues that someone could relate. David’s remark was innocent, of course, but I was so desperate for understanding that I imagined connections everywhere. 

“You’re in trouble!” a friend once declared when I playfully stole his textbook during a date.
“Really?” I asked, hope rising. 

He started tickling me. The relationship was doomed. 

I had long assumed my life partner would share my kink. At 17, I met my first boyfriend while living abroad. He was 24 and so comfortable with his sexual identity that on our second date he asked whether I had “ever received a severe spanking.” 

His question took my breath away, and our next 18 months were essentially an extension of that first electrified moment. By the time we broke up, I had come to accept that a shared fetish was a necessary part of any future relationship. 

But David, it turned out, is “vanilla” — the word the spanking community uses to describe people who don’t share our quirk. I was disappointed, but it was too late: I had already fallen in love with him."


READ MORE: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/11/fashion/modern-love-a-spanking-fetish-is-not-revealed-easily.html?_r=0


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Tuesday, 29 October 2013

A Mini-History of the Corset


"In the 1830's, the corset was thought of as a medical necessity. It was believed that a woman was very fragile, and needed assistance from some form of stay to hold her up. Even girls as young as three or four, and probably directed by the best motives, were laced up into bodices.

Gradually these garments were lengthened and tightened. By the time they were teenagers, the girls were unable to sit or stand for any length of time without the aid of a heavy canvas corset reinforced with whale bone or steel. The corset deformed the internal organs making it impossibe to draw deep breath, in or out of a corset. Because of this, Victorian women were always fainting and getting the vapours.

Women were thought of as the weaker sex, therefore their minds and bodies were weak. So the corset was deemed morally and medically necessary. Tight lacing was considered virtuous - a loose corset was probably a sign of a loose woman. To keep her innocence and virtuousity, a lady had to be chaperoned everywhere she went. She could not read or see any plays lest it excite her imagination. Even Shakespeare was thought unsuitable for ladies. A woman needed to protect herself from lustful men (and her own morality) by wearing heavily reinforced layers of clothing and tight corsets that made getting undressed a long and difficult task.

Working-class women (except when dressed for special occasions) did not go through the discomfort of wearing tightly laced corsets. They wore looser corsets and simpler clothes, with less weight. The higher up in class a lady was, the more confining her clothes were. This was because they didn't need the freedom to do household chores. Paid servants took care of such cumbersome matters.

Thanks to contributor Anders Dinsen for the following extract:

(He wrote this referring to Valerie Steele's book "Fashion and Eroticism, Ideals of Feminine Beauty from the Victorian Era to the Jazz Age". Oxford University Press, 1985.)

The corset is an interesting garment, which to most people in our modern world seems a very strange piece of underwear. We have all heard about the times when women were encased in long stiff corsets, reduced to nothing but objects of beauty, unable to perform any task. This is, however, only a part of the historical facts about that time -- and about corsets.

When talking corsetry, the most interesting period of fashion is the period from 1820 to about 1910. But the corset is much older than that. In Europe, it has been in general use as an undergarment since the middle ages, but it probably dates several thousands of years back. The corset has at all times been used for shaping the body, most often for compressing the waist, but sometimes for raising the bust.

The most widespread use of corsets was in the 19th century. Contrary to common belief, almost all women of every class wore corsets in those times. Fashion was formed by the upper class, so they were the primary users of the 'fashion devices' like corsets and the crinoline, but the working classes followed the trends of fashion to as high a degree as possible. For example, the Courtaulds Company instructed its workers in 1860, that: "The present ugly fashion of hoops or crinolines ... is ... quite unfitted for the work of our factories. ... We now request our hands at all factories to leave hoop and crinolines at home." [Steele, p. 75].

A compelling question is of course, how tightly were the corsets laced? There are many reports of waists between 18 and 14 inches - even 12 inch waists are mentioned. [Steele, p. 163] However, it is believed that most accounts of these very small waists represent fantasies. Measurements of corsets in museum collections indicate that most corsets of the period 1860 to 1910 measured from 20 to 22 inches. Furthermore, those sizes do not indicate how tightly the corsets were laced. They could easily have been laced out by several inches, and probably were, because it was prestigious to buy small corsets.

So ordinary corsets were not so tight after all, and contrary to common belief, the construction of the corset with the metal busk for front closure and the lacing in the back, enabled the bearer to lace herself in. She did not need a maid or husband to help her.

Severe tight-lacing was practiced, and some corsetieres specialized in cultivating very small waists. Some men developed a fetish for small waists, a fetish which was regarded as quite acceptable. Small waists and the corset probably played about the same role as full breasts and the Wonderbra play today.

Finally, another reference, which deals with the fetish of corsets:

(David Kunzle: Fashion and Fetishism, A Social History of the Corset, Tight-Lacing and Other Forms of Body Sculpture in the West. Rowman and Littlefield, 1980.)"


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In Favor of Casual Sex - By Stanley Siegel

"Sex is far from the primitive, base instinct we are led to believe it is. It’s our most complicated human need. Whether in a casual encounter or a long relationship, through sex we communicate our emotions, negotiate power, give and receive pleasure, confront our fears and fantasies, and sometimes heal our inner lives.

Moreover, I have grown to appreciate how sex benefits us far beyond its physical pleasure or biological function. When practiced intelligently and generously, sex has the capacity to help heal our emotional wounds and rectify unmet childhood needs.

Every sexual experience represents a moment of extreme intensity in which our entire inner life our history and imagination is expressed in action. It’s an altered state of consciousness in which the past and present, body, mind and spirit all merge to form a new reality unlike any other experience in our lives. It is impossible for any sexual experience to be absent of emotion or even to lack meaning. Even when we feel emotionally detached during sex, we aren’t really devoid of emotion. Looked at more deeply, such apparent detachment is in fact a reflection of emptiness that we may feel more generally in our lives."

READ MORE: http://www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/stanley-siegel-intelligent-lust-casual-sex/



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Monday, 28 October 2013

If there was one thing you could teach a DOM(ME) starting their journey into BDSM what would it be?

Again, his is probably a question for all of you more experienced players first, both Dom & sub of

But maybe some of you newbies, just starting out will have a 'thing or two' to add to this...?
I think this will be another interesting thread.

Love & Kisses,

Aidan xXx
course.

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Getting you off hard! BI-KINK CLUB - This Friday, November 1st 2013

This adult sex party is for bisexual or bi-curious kinky fetishists. Another bizarre event with the same open-minded and creative approach to sex as a base line.

* FREE DRINKS ALL NIGHT (Alc & Non-Alc)!!!
* MALES, FEMALES, TV/TS/CD
* STRAIGHT, GAY, BISEXUAL
* FULL-ON PLAY ORGY
* WET ROOM
* RESIDENT DOMINATRIX
* FEMALE STEWARDS
* GREAT MUSIC
* OPEN-MINDED, INTELLIGENT CROWD

Bi-Kink Club is explicitly for bisexual males and females as well as TV/CD/TS or gender-fluid people and those of any other gender-identity. We welcome single males and single females, as well as couples and poly-groups of any configuration.

This party is a full-on sex orgy. M/M, F/F, M/M/F, F/F/M etc. activity is explicitly welcome!

We welcome experienced players as well as newbies and those of you who are bi-curious and like to experience your fantasies in real life, in a safe, sane and sexy environment.

If you are looking for respectful, free-spirited, open-minded, sexually intelligent bisexual play-mates then this is the sex party for you!

READ REVIEWS & FEEDBACK HERE: http://www.bizarre-events.com/#!reviews/c2xz


PLEASE RSVP HERE : http://www.bizarre-events.com/#!Bi-Kink%20Club/c1bo1


See you on Friday!

Love,

Aidan & Nina xXx



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Sunday, 27 October 2013

What Is Queer?

Here is something I have written earlier this year in response to a question brought forward by fellow

The question was about us (Nina & myself) using the name/word Queer for one of our club nights, put forward by a number of people, all very much involved in 'the scene', and I distilled it to/understood another version of "what is queer". Here is my response, and it would be great to have your thoughts on this subject:

"For us queer can mean 'different', 'outside the norm' and maybe 'other', 'new', 'odd', 'unexpected', 'iteresting', 'colourful', 'surprising', 'inspiring', etc.

Now, this is perhaps a very individual and personal interpretation of the word queer, but I think also a valid one (as is everyone else's). We feel comfortable with the label queer, as we are also comfortable to be described as pansexual and bisexual. Having said that, I'm quite aware that the term queer brings up other, at times very different connotations.

We have started an open group on Facebook recently where we invite people to discuss 'queerness', and it became obvious that the term invokes strong (and very valid) feelings in some. In my (personal) opinion, as the term queer suggests 'inclusiveness' within Queer Theory, even straight people can (have the right to) be as 'queer' as they like. But that's probably another discussion for another time...

To elaborate this point: It is arguable that sexuality is a social construct, but the subjects are also constructs of their (our) culture. This makes it very difficult to step outside of these categories (e.g. one's own sexuality). That's perhaps the reason why it's Queer Theory and not Gay or Lesbian Theory - the term queer is an attempt to overcome categories and the difficulties with the notion of identity. The term 'queer' itself (in contrast to say 'Lesbian' or 'Gay') is undefined, purely 'relational' and without essence (whether sexual or otherwise). It gets its meaning by 'being outside the norm'.

There are of course very well defined political associations (e.g. Radical Queers) and possible social negativisms, etc. that come hand in hand with the word queer. For us the word means inclusiveness (or non-exclusion), at odds with the normal, the legitimate, the dominant, not marginalising anyone (lesbian, gay, straight, bi, pan, trans...), deconstruction of 'the norm' however that norm itself may be defined (not necessarily as sexual even), critique and discourse.

Discourse, critique and deconstruction of the 'heterosexist regime'."

Lots of Love,

Aidan xXx
members of a particular FETLIFE group. I'm reposting this because I'd like to start a conversation about 'labels' in general here on K4B...

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Are BDSM Enthusiasts Healthier...? From The Daily Mail

I never thought I'd ever publish anything from the Daily Mail, but here we go...

"Could bondage be good for you? S&M enthusiasts are 'healthier and less neurotic' than those with a tamer sex life

Those who enjoy indulging in fetishes are psychologically healthier and happier than the general population, say Dutch researchers

Experts believe this is because they are more outgoing and less neurotic

Those who played the dominating role in sex games were deemed as the most mentally healthy and submissives the least

But none of the S&M participants scored lower than the general population in psychological tests

Some may think it is perverse, but enjoying the snap of the whip or the clink of chains on skin could make you more psychologically healthy than those who enjoy a more mundane sex life.

A study found that BDSM - bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism - enthusiasts scored better on a variety of personality and psychological tests compared to those who did not have sexual fetishes.

Experts say this is because those who enjoyed kinky sex were more extroverted, more open to new experiences and less neurotic.

Dr Andreas Wismeijer, a psychologist from Tilburg University, found that  BDSM practitioners ‘either did not differ from the general population and if they differed, they always differed in the more favourable direction’.

Dr Wismeijer and his fellow researchers asked BDSM fans to undergo a variety of psychological questionnaires online.

They also sought participants who did not do BDSM via a women's magazine website, a personal secret website and a university website.

Participants did not know what the surveys were about, other that they concerned ‘human behaviour’."


http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2333244/Could-bondage-good-S-M-enthusiasts-healthier-neurotic-tamer-sex-life.html


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Friday, 25 October 2013

How to Write the Perfect Profile Text for Fetish & Kink Community Websites

Writing about yourself is never easy. It's probably even harder when it comes to effectively communicating on subjects like your sexual desires, fantasies, kinks and fetishes.

If you have sucessfull profiles on kink / fetish community websites such as Fetlife.com, if you have experience with writing profiles that 'work' and attract the right attention from people you actually might want to stay in touch with or even meet please share this here.

And if you are new and have questions or comments about profile-writing please ask!

Here are some of my tips / what I consider the most important things to keep in mind when writing your fet / kink profile text:

Be yourself!

Write exactly what you think and feel. Don't try to please anyone. You have got to like your profile - that's really the only thing that matters...

Write in the positive!

Rather than writing: 'I'm not looking for...' rather say what it is you ARE looking for. The only exception I think really should be something clearly worded to avoid the time-wasters and cock-picture senders (unless you're into that of course).

Keep it personal!

Write from your point of view, not the target's. Say what you want/like and why, not just what you're expecting. Ok, for example: (bad) '...as my sub you're expected to do xyz' but rather (good) '...having a sub do xyz for me would make me feel...'

Also, I think it's really important to let people know WHY it is you've decided to be on that particular website with a profile... Is it to actually meet others, or rather to learn, to chat, to ask questions?

Why you're on this particular kink / fetish website with a profile is more important than what you're looking for. Try to be explicit (if that's you), but definitely try to be clear and honest!

Try to be exact about what you're looking for. And then write about that and let others know...

...and please, please, PLEASE! Make sure your spelling and grammar are correct. It just looks careless if you're hammering out an important text about yourself and then don't care enough about it to at least spell-check the thing!


Love,

Aidan xXx


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How would you complete this sentence? 'Dear 50 Shades of Grey Readers...'

Divided opinions and strong feelings. An entertaining eye-opener for newbies, an inacurate bit of pulp for bored housewives, or a complete waste of time.*

No matter who you talk to, it seems, everyone has an opinion of some sort about this book and/or its impact on the 'scene' as well as on the vanilla world.

We'd like to hear your take on things. Whether you've actually read the book or not doesn't really matter, but it would be great to rather hear about whether you think it has made a difference in the mainstream world and our's...

Love, Aidan x

* PS: I haven't actually heard it being described as 'a great piece of literature' but my little poll was probably less than 100% representative... ;-)

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200 Questions - The BDSM Checklist by CEPE

A fantastic tool to help you consider, discuss and negotiate your BDSM play activities:

"Checklists are frequently difficult to complete due to the complex variety to what we enjoy. When we try to fill them out as Tops, Bottoms, Dominants, Submissives, etcetera there is usually confusion over fetishes that aren't physically interactive between partners or over activities that may not clear as to who is giving and who receiving.

A sincere effort has been made here to reduce this kind of confusion, but bdsm checklists will never be perfect enough that you won't probably have to go to your partner and confer about how to answer at least one item. Take it as a blessing in disguise - a bdsm checklist is only supposed to get a conversation started. That's what the tool is made for.

Remember, it's just a beginning to negotiation, not an end in itself. "

http://www.cepemo.com/checklist.html

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Thursday, 24 October 2013

What do you wish you had been told before your first 'munch'?

Munches are often the first point of contact with the kinky / fetish / BDSM scenes for many people interested in potentially getting more invloved in those scenes.

What are your experiences with munches? How was your first time going to one? How are newbies welcomed at the munches you might attend regularly? What are your thoughts about going to a munch for the first time? What and where are the best munches for what sort of 'flavour'...?

And if you are the organiser of a munch then please feel free to use this post as a platform to talk about your offering!

Really, any interesting facts and questions about munches...

Love, Aidan x


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Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Feeling Knotty? Go and visit the Knotty Boys Website...

"We (Dan and JD) first began teaching interactive rope bondage workshops in 1999 at a venue in San Francisco (our hometown) called Castlebar. Sadly, Castlebar has since closed its dungeon doors, but we pressed forward.

Through the early 2000's we continued teaching at a variety of Bay Area venues. In 2002 we began work on our first book, Two Knotty Boys: Showing You the Ropes. Published in November 2006, Showing You the Ropes helped expand our impact on the rope bondage community.

Since then, we've traveled around the world teaching our unique brand of fusion rope bondage. We've created over 100 video tutorials (available for download on this site). And we're proud to say that our second book, Two Knotty Boys: Back on the Ropes, is now available!

Our goal is to demystify rope bondage. To provide instruction for safe, functional and estetically pleasing ties for the bedroom or beyond!"

http://www.knottyboys.com


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How to choose a BDSM role for yourself...

Was this an almost pre-determined thing for you? Or was it rather a process? How did you decide?

What did you take into consideration? Do you have to decide in the first place? What about being a 'switch'?

Love,

Aidan xXx

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Tuesday, 22 October 2013

How to know when to push limits?

A simple question we hear a lot...

What's the most sensible and sensitive answer in your experience and opinion? Again, this one is for both Dom & subs of course.

Love,

Aidan xXx


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Monday, 21 October 2013

If there was one thing you could teach a submissive starting their journey into BDSM what would it be?

This is definitely a question for all of you more experienced players first, both Dom & sub of course.

But maybe some of you just starting out will have a 'thing or two' to add to this...?

Hopefully this will be another interesting thread.

Love & Kisses,

Aidan xXx


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Friday, 18 October 2013

Ideas for Basic Scenes for Novice Doms...

We'd like to hear from you about ideas for beginners-scenes for newbie Dom(me)s. What kind of scene would work from your experience. Any hints/tips on what to avoid maybe too?

Love,

Aidan xXx

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Thursday, 17 October 2013

What's your favourite type or kind of porn? And what makes 'Good Porn'?

You know, what floats your boat? What gets you off? And what do you find simply ridiculously
crap/bad?

Love to hear from you, and don't be shy!

Love, Aidan xXx



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Wednesday, 16 October 2013

What actually is the difference between 'Kink' and 'Fetish'?


This question is not as straight-forward as it might appear at first sight... It'd be great to hear your own personal definitions please. Bring it on!

Love,

Aidan x


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Tuesday, 15 October 2013

What Your Favorite Porn Says About You! (By Stanley Siegel)

"Porn intensely focuses our mental and physical attention, uncovering specific emotions eroticized much earlier in life. Through our sexual fantasies, we attempt to master feelings of powerlessness, shame, guilt, fear and loneliness that have followed us into adulthood.

Encoded in the porn scenes that lead us to orgasm are the psychological antidotes to these feelings. Situating ourselves in humiliating, romantic or risky scenes counteracts painful feelings by turning them into pleasurable ones. Psychologically, this happens outside our awareness, the way blood cells heal a cut finger without our knowing it.

To decode eroticized feelings, look at family dynamics. Childhood conflicts produce strong emotions that never completely disappear. Their impact echoes long into adulthood, woven into our fantasies, even when denied. What arouses us is far from random or meaningless. The porn we choose to watch is dictated by our psychological histories."

READ MORE: http://www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/what-your-favorite-porn-says-about-you/

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“SEX WORKER OR THERAPIST?” By Stanley Siegel on Psychology Tomorrow Magazine

"I wrote a column as I usually do, a weekly column on the subject of sex called Intelligent Lust, that set off a firestorm of controversy. It was a column that explores the creativity of sexuality called “Sex Worker or Therapist?”.

It made analogies between those sex workers who feel that their work involves an extraordinarily compassionate and empathetic process with their clients, and I made comparisons between the kinds of skills and talents that sex workers might use in their work with their clients and those that over the years I discovered that therapists, including myself, use."

READ MORE: http://www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/about-the-magazine/

READ 'SEX WORKER OR THERAPIST' HERE: http://www.psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/sex-worker-or-therapist/


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What's in your BDSM / SEX TOY Bag...?

We'd love to know what you think are 'the essentials'. And also maybe tell us about toys and equipment not neccessarily bought from specialist BDSM / Sex shops, but rather DIY or household items and play-things you've made yourself (this should be interesting)!



Love Aidan xXx


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Monday, 14 October 2013

Gummi / Rubber / Latex Fetish



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Fetish / Kink Map (by Katherine Gates, Author of 'Deviant Desires: Incredibly Strange Sex')

Fetishes mapped! (by Katherine Gates, Author of 'Deviant Desires: Incredibly Strange Sex')

http://www.amazon.com/Deviant-Desires-Incredibly-Strange-Sex/dp/1890451037/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338578483&sr=8-1





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Foot Fetish



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Smoking Fetish




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Getting Kinky: How to Share Your Fetish or Fantasy - How to discuss a fantasy, fetish, or kinky request.

 

Let's be honest... Most everyone has some type of secret fantasy, fetish, or kinky desire. They have something in the back of their mind (or tucked in the back of a closet) that they are just dying to share with the right partner. But, bringing up the topic with a date or mate can be difficult. How do you go from "sexual fantasies" to "reality"?

Like most things on this blog, we can find the solution in persuasion and influence! So, break out your kama sutra, BDSM gear, or that little nurses outfit, and read on. Below are 5 steps to introducing your partner to what really turns you on.
How To Get Kinky

1) Realize that Fantasies and Kinks are Normal

Before you discuss your desires with anyone else, you first must be comfortable with them yourself. You may well be your partner's first introduction into the topic. As a result, you will be leading them. If you are comfortable, they will be comfortable. Besides, despite the often sexually-repressive culture, everyone has something a bit "kinky". So, embrace your inner desires.

Getting comfortable with your desired fetish or fantasy serves two persuasive purposes. First, you end up modeling the type of positive behavior you hope your partner follows. Second, you "normalize" the behavior and request, making it easier for your partner to accept as part of their worldview. When they see you discussing it comfortably, they come to feel that it is a normal and comfortable topic to discuss (and later take part in). So, to be persuasive, get comfortable with your fantasy and accept it...then share it.

2) Communicate that Your Desires are Intimate and Special

There is an unfortunate misconception that fantasies, fetishes, and kink necessarily "objectify" and "distance" lovers from one another. Usually, just the opposite is true. Sharing your secret sexual cravings with a special partner can increase trust and intimacy. It is a special, private piece of who you are that you are giving to someone else.

As a result, be sure to communicate that you want to share your fantasies or fetishes as "something intimate and special, with a special person". Highlight the fact that your partner is unique, special, and you desire to share the behavior as an intimate experience with them. This operates on the influence principle of "scarcity" - where individuals value more what is special, rare, or unique. So, when you make the request intimate and special, you also make it scarce...and irresistible.

3) Demonstrate that Others are Enjoying It

Pretty much anything you are into has some coverage in movies, magazines, videos, etc. For some reason Netflix movies seem to be a goldmine for fantasy, fetish, and kink. In any case, lightly expose your partner to a bit of that "culture". Casually comment about an article you read. Select a movie that features that type of fetish. Show them a video online that a "buddy" happened to send you. Begin to expose them to positive representations of the activities you like.

Yes, this does follow another influence principle - the principle of social proof. Individuals often choose to do what they see other people doing (especially when those people enjoy it). So, showing or discussing positive examples of "other people doing" what you desire will make your partner more interested and agreeable to it.

4) Appeal to Your Partner's Self-Image

We all have different "sides" or "selves". The "self" that we have at work is different than the "self" we have with friends. Our "sexual self" is no different...and it changes over time.

To ensure your partner's comfort and agreement with a topic, make sure to align it with aspects of their sexual self. If they believe they are "adventurous" in bed, then praise their adventurousness and suggest your kink as an adventure. If they believe they are "intimate" in bed, then tell them you love their intimacy and suggest a fantasy as a further way of getting intimate.

The appeal requires that you first get them to "commit" to a certain self-image, where they say the type of person they are. You may do this in the form of a leading question (e.g. "are you adventurous?"). Next, you affirm that self-image with an attribution of your own (e.g. "that's what I love about you, you're so adventurous"). Finally, you present your desire in a way consistent with that self-image (e.g. "let's try something adventurous together").

This process works on the self dynamics of your partner. It helps them "see themselves as the kind of person" who would engage in a fantasy, fetish, or kink. It also employs the influence principles of commitment/consistency and attribution. Individuals are motivated to remain consistent to a self-image they project (consistency) or an image that others have of them (attribution). Therefore, when their image is in agreement with a behavior...they do it.

5) Start Small and Work Up

When you introduce your partner to a fantasy or fetish, start SMALL. Don't bring out the latex suit and full body harness, or the entire clown outfit, on the first night. Ease them into it. Just the small toy. Just the handcuffs. Then work your way up!

Starting small allows your partner time to ease in, adjust and get comfortable. It also makes a "yes" to larger requests later more likely. The principle is called the foot-in-the-door effect - where individuals who say yes to small requests initially are more likely to say yes to big requests later. So, be patient. Let your partner ease in, then introduce something more, until you get to the whole fantasy.

Conclusion

Sharing your fetish or fantasy with a partner can be a positive (and persuasive) experience. You don't have to keep quiet. Just get comfortable with what you want, to ask calmly and confidently. Make your partner feel special and unique to share your desires. Show them positive examples of others enjoying what you like. Align the request with their self-image. Finally, start small and work your way up. Follow those steps...and you both will reach kinky bliss in no time.

Go to www.AttractionDoctor.com for more dating and relationship advice (in helpful categories)!

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Until next time...happy dating and relating!

Dr. Jeremy Nicholson
 
The Attraction Doctor

 




http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201111/getting-kinky-how-share-your-fetish-or-fantasy

BiZarre Events - London's Most Extreme Fetish Sex Parties!
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BDSM: A Guide for Nice Guys (by Franklin Veaux)

So you're a nice guy. You think that people should be treated with respect and courtesy; you find violence, particularly violence against women, reprehensible; you would never, under any circumstances, raise your hand in anger against someone you love. And now your partner is asking you to tie her up, or call her names, or spank her, or maybe even "rape" her. All this goes against everything you believe. What do you do?

For starters, it's not what you think.
The first thing to do is to understand, deep down inside, that it's possible to do these things and still be a good person. While some of these things may superficially resemble abuse, there's an important difference; unlike an abuser, you are doing these things because you both enjoy them, and you're doing them in a way that is safe, consensual, and respectful of her limits and desires.

One way to think about it is that you're playing a role. A person who plays a villain on TV is not actually a villain; and if you and your partner play out roles for your mutual enjoyment, it doesn't mean you're being abusive. You and your partner can play out roles in which you are harsh and demanding and she is your sex slave, and this does not mean that you actually believe women should be subordinate to men.
But I was always taught to treat women with respect!
There is nothing wrong or disrespectful about treating people the way they want to be treated.

Even if the way they want to be treated is not what you're accustomed to.
Not everyone has the same desires, wants, or needs. Treating your partner with respect means treating your partner the way she wants to be treated--even if that means she wants you to treat her like a dirty little minx sometimes. Seriously--if your partner is approaching you with the idea of exploring BDSM, then most likely, there is some part of her which responds very strongly to filling that role.

There is not one "right" way to behave that applies to all people all the time. If something adds pleasure to your life and to your partner's life, then it's not a bad thing, even if it is unconventional. And there's certainly no crime in taking pleasure from bringing your partner pleasure!

There is no rule which says that nice guys can't be adventurous. No law says that nice guys never fuck their girlfriends in the ass or tell their girlfriends to strip and masturbate in front of them. It's about learning what you like, learning what she likes, and creating a scene that brings you both pleasure; being a nice guy means being willing to explore avenues that bring joy to your partner's life!


What kind of guy enjoys doing these things?
The kind of guy who enjoys exploring with his partner and pleasing his partner, of course!

More than that, though; by exploring your fantasies and your partner's fantasies, you create a deep intimacy that's hard to beat. This kind of exploration, and sharing of fantasies and sexual feelings, helps form a bond of intimacy and trust that's at once more romantic and more passionate than you may believe.

And the pleasure to be gained simply from seeing your partner eager to service you and submit to your desires shouldn't be discounted, either...

To do this, though, you may need to unlearn some things about what "nice guys" do and feel. "Nice guy syndrome" can sometimes prevent you from being able to really focus on your partner, and see what she wants; you may see social proconceptions of who "women are" or what "women want" instead. Women are individuals; focus on what the woman you're with wants rather than what "women want."

In extreme cases, "nice guy syndrome" can make you feel uncomfortable seeing your partner as a sexual being at all. But human beings are sexual beings, and it's hard to imagine anyone who doesn't want to be seen as sexually attractive by her mate; seeing your partner in a sexual light is not only healthy, it's an important part of any sexual relationship!
I don't even know where to begin with this stuff...
As with most things, you begin simply. Sex in general and BDSM in particular are learned skills; like all learned skills, you learn by doing. Start slow, learn what you and your partner like and don't like, and elaborate on the things you learn as you go along.
The best way to get started exploring BDSM is by talking to your partner. Discuss your fantasies and her fantasies; don't worry about whether or not those fantasies are things you would really explore or not, or even if they're things that are plausible or feasible. You're just talking about the things that turn you on, no matter how outlandish or how kinky they may be. Don't be timid, embarrassed, or ashamed, even of fantasies that seem extreme or frightening; these are fantasies, after all, not reality. Even extreme fantasies that you would never consider doing in real life can provide ideas or suggestions about places to explore, or things that turn you on!

Let's say, for example, that your partner has fantasies about being tied up and molested. You can start to explore by trying some light bondage or restraint; no need to go all-out, just start by holding her down or tying her arms with ordinary rope. If things go well, you may discover that you want to go farther next time, or you may come up with new ideas to try. And who knows? You may just find that it really turns you on...

At this point, it's probably worthwhile to discuss a few general guidelines as you start exploring this stuff. Some things to remember:

- Don't feel that you have to try everything all at once. Don't do too much, too fast. You have plenty of time! You're exploring what turns you on, what turns your partner on, and what you can create together; it's far better to end a scene thinking you could have gone farther than ending a scene thinking you've gone too far!

- Talk to your partner after you're done, espeically when you've tried something new. Spend some time talking about how you felt, how she felt, what turned you on, and what things you might want to explore later. Remember, whenever you try anything new, you will sometimes find things that you or your partner respond to in ways you didn't expect. You may even find that something you thought you'd like, or something she thought she'd like, triggers a negative reaction that you didn't anticipate. There's nothing wrong with that; you're exploring. By definition, when you explore, you don't always know what you'll find! If you discover something that you don't like, or that didn't go the way you expected, it's okay; you've learned from it, and now you have greater knowledge about how to please yourself and your partner.

- There's nothing wrong with taking pleasure from dominating your partner. If you find that you respond to taking charge in the bedroom, and your partner responds to being dominated, great! You're both happy; enjoy yourselves! Besides, it's much more fun to submit to a person who enjoys being dominant. It works both ways; you can take pleasure from pleasing your partner, and she can take pleasure from pleasing you.

- The greatest asset you have is a sense of self-confidence. It doesn't matter if you don't think you know what you're doing, or if things don't always go the way you wanted them to; it doesn't matter if you're uncertain about something you're trying. All this is normal. What does matter is that you project an air of confidence and control; just this alone can get you through a number of problems. You forget something? Something not working right? Smile and keep going anyway; chances are, she'll never even notice. Remember, you're playing a role; project confidence even if you don't feel it, and you'll do okay.

- Keep your eyes open and your common sense sharp. The best single safety tool you have is your common sense. Watch for problems; don't leave someone tied up unattended, don't try devices or gadgets on your partner if you don't have a sense of how they feel yourself.
But she wants me to spank her! I don't want to hurt her!
Ah, that's a bit tricky. Things are not always what they seem; there's a big difference between erotic pain and ordinary, garden-variety pain. The experience of pain in an erotic context, for someone who's wired that way, is nothing like what you may imagine; it's an incredible rush, that adds a powerful spice to sexual pleasure. Think of it like spice in chili; you might not like taking a bite out of a hot pepper, but in the right amount, it makes the chili a whole lot better...

Even things that look extreme, such as flogging or whipping, can be deceptive. These things don't feel like you imagine they do, and in the right environment with the right warmup, they're wonderful. And once your partner's endorphins, the natural painkilling chemicals produced in the brain, get going, it's the most intense, delightful high you can ever believe.

Of course, pain play is something you want to explore slowly. You don't jump right into it; it takes time and practice to learn where your partner's limits are, and how your partner responds to things like spanking. But don't be so afraid of anything that looks painful--your partner is less fragile than you might think, and in the right setting, pain is both a powerful aphrodesiac and a tremendously pleasureable high. Pay attention, go slow, and you're not going to hurt her. As with many aspects of BDSM, pain is not always what it seems...

If you are worried about hurting your partner for real in a not-fun kind of way, it's easy with a little practice to calm that fear. It's really just question of paying close attention to your partner, noticing the way that she responds, and keeping communication open. When you start out, ask for feedback. Pay attention to what you're doing, and pay attention to how she responds. As you get to know what your partner likes, you'll find that you learn to gauge what you're doing and you learn how much is too much, and how much is "just right."


You can get a bit of my own perspective on pain play, if you'd like, here.
She wants me to boss her around! Men aren't supposed to do that to women.
Men aren't supposed to do that to women non-consensually. Men aren't supposed to assume that they can automatically tell women what to do and expect women to hop to it; that's chauvanistic.

It's not the same, though, when your partner wants you to tell her what to do. In the context of a mutual D/s relationship, it's not chauvanism; it's something you both do because it's fun and enjoyable for both of you.

Sometimes, it's a lot of fun to have your partner say "Okay, I want you to strip and lie down with your legs spread," or whatever. It's fun to surrender to your partner and let your partner call the shots, as long as you both understand that you're doing it because it's a fun way to mix things up in the bedroom rather than because it's something that all women should always do for all men. Remember, if you were to start bossing around every woman you meet, that would be disrespectful; not all women want to be bossed around, after all. But if your partner wants you to boss her around because it's fun, then thre's nothing disrespectful about it; respect is in asking people what they want, and then doing the things that bring them pleasure and bring you closer together.

Whenever you let ideas about what men are "supposed" to do, you run into trouble. The problem with thinking that men are "supposed" to not be in control is the same as the problem with thinking that men are "supposed" to always be in control--it ignores that different women have different tastes and different desires. If there's anything that men and women are truly "supposed" to do, I think it's this: Men and women are supposed to recognize that not everyone is the same, and work together to recognize those differences and make sure that everyone has an opportunity to be happy.
What if she wants me to call her names and humiliate her? That's not respectful!
Humiliation play, like pain play, is another of those things that's not what it looks like from the outside. In a sense, it's the emotional equivalent of pain play; and like pain play, it's all about context. In the right setting, under the right circumstance, with the right person, it can for some people be an intense, white-hot turn-on; and as with much of BDSM play, it's helpful to think about it as playing a role.

Remember, this is something you do because it's something your partner wants. You can, during a BDSM scene, call your partner a dirty, filthy whore, and it doesn't mean that's really how you see her; you're in a role, and you're doing it because it's a turn-on. Outside of that role, you may think your lover is the most exquisite woman ever to walk the face of the earth; the things you do during a scene are not the whole of how you see her in your ordinary, day-to-day life!

And there's nothing wrong with enjoying erotic humiliation, if your partner enjoys it. It doesn't make you a bad person; it doesn't mean you want to degrade women; it means you take pleasure in creating an environment that's arousing and exciting.

This kind of play may seem silly, or awkward, or both, when you first start experimenting with it. You may find it's difficult to say and do things which humiliate your partner, and it might feel forced or contrived. That's a normal part of playing any unfamiliar role. This sort of play, like any skill, becomes easier and more natural with practice.

Don't worry about it becoming something that changes the way you think about women in the real world; like pain play, humiliation play is contextual both for your partner and for you. It's not going to suddenly make you into an insensitive clod. The difference in mindset between exploring humiliation play with a lover and actually believing that women deserve to be degraded is as great as the difference between playing a hit man in a movie and actually being a hit man.
But I still don't know what to do!
The best way to begin is to talk to your partner, and ask her what she might like to try. Here are some ideas to start with:
- If you want to explore bondage, the easiest way to do this is with plain old cotton or nylon rope. Nylon stockings and silk scarves can cause problems, because they tend to bunch and be difficult to untie. You can tie your partner to the bed, to a chair, or simply bind her hands behind her back. Once you have her bound, you can go in a number of different directions. For example, you can kneel over her and tell her to service you with her mouth, or you can penetrate her and have sex with her. Or, you might try sensation play, running your hands or ice cubes or soft cloth or things like that over her body. Blindfolding her can make these sensations more intense. You can add a little bit of light pain play to the mix by pinching, pulling, or twisting her nipples, running your fingernails over her skin, and thinngs like that. Biting her, teasing her with tongue or fingers, and that sort of thing can be a lot of fun too.
- For introductory pain play, spanking, pinching, and biting can be good ways to begin. You might bend her over your lap, or--for a bit more fun--tie her down bent over the bed. You can combine this with roleplaying if you like; perhaps she's a naughty student and you're the disciplining teacher, for example. You can spank her with your hands, a paddle, or even a wooden spoon. Start with light, rapid strokes, and gradually increase the force until you find her limit. Remember, if you start light and build up gradually, you can get those endorphins going, which is exciting and intoxicating!
- Humiliation play can be verbal, or can involve things you do to her, or things you order her to do, or some combination of all three. For example, you can order her to kneel in front of you and give you oral sex while you tell her she's a filthy slut, or you can order her to call herself a slut or beg for sex while you tease her with your fingers and tongue, or you can kneel over her as she lies on her back and tell her to stroke you in her hands until you ejaculate over her body.
- Give her instructions to do things that excite or arouse you. For example, if you enjoy watching her masturbate (and who doesn't?), tell her to touch herself while you watch. You can be as detailed as you want, instructing her how and where to touch herself, and how hard, and how fast, and in what way; you may even enjoy instructing her to moan and sigh as she does. Or, take a different approach. Take her out to dinner, but give her detailed instructions about what she is to wear. Have her wear something that makes her easily accessible--a skirt with no panties, for example. Throughout dinner, keep her aroused by dropping hints about how you can't wait to get her home, and how she's so sexy that you're planning to have your way with her; then, when you get home, bend her over, hoist up her skirt, and take her!
- Surprise her. Mix things up. If you're exploring dominance and submission, try calling her at work one day and telling her to remove her panties, or go into the restroom and touch herself. Or, send her a text message on her phone telling her that you have plans for her and you're going to tie her up when she gets home. If she's at home when you're at work, send her an email with a list of things to do to arouse herself so that she's in the proper state of mind when you get home. If you've been talking about trying something new, create a scene where you're doing something you've done before, then add it in! Or, buy a new toy without telling her, and introduce it into your scene.
- If you run out of ideas, try doing things you've done before, but in a new way or with a new element, or combined with other things you've done. If you enjoy watching her masturbate, try adding a blindfold and telling her to touch herself. Or, make her touch herself as she watches herself in a mirror. Or make her describe how she feels out loud as she masturbates. If you enjoy having her give you oral sex, try tying her hands behind her back and then having her kneel in front of you. The possibilities for combining even simple, basic ideas in novel ways are endless; by doing this, you can keep things new and exciting all the time.
Remember: You're doing this to have fun, to share yourself and your fantasies with your partner, to make your sexual lives more exciting and dynamic, and to increase your pleasure and your partner's pleasure. There's no right or wrong way to do it. Have fun! Experiment! Be creative! And above all, enjoy yourselves!


CONTENT REPRODUCED WITH KIND PERMISSION FROM:

© Franklin Veaux - All Rights Reserved - http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdniceguy.html




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Introduction to Perversion - by Michaellaneous

"Introduction to Perversion" by Michaellaneous.

"What (some) vanilla people don’t understand about kinky sex is that it doesn’t exist on the same plane as regular sex. It’s not really something that you can have with whatever randomer you bring home with you from Coppers of a Wednesday night. Believe me. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. So here’s my list of things people need to understand about us perverts."

READ MORE: http://michellaneous.wordpress.com/2011/02/08/introduction-to-perversion/


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EROTIC ART EXHIBITION @ BI-KINK CLUB - This Friday, October 18th.

✰ ✰ ✰ BiZarre Events proudly presents LADY C ✰ ✰ ✰

Lady C is an artist, writer, interior designer and sculptress. Based in Brighton - a sexually permissive city renowned for the ultimate dirty weekend - her KINKY COLLAGE reflects this sense of decadence and celebrates the sensuous, hedonistic nature of our lust and passionate desires.

Her work is irreverent, quirky and seductive. Each alluring collage interconnects the beautiful randomness of the everyday with lush, voluptuous, salacious flesh.

Lady C’s picture frames are ravishingly rejuvenated and embellished to titillate with raunchy lingerie lace & feather boa’s reminiscent of striptease; whilst gorgeous colours and gloss create a glitzy, glamorous finish.

Provocative images are cherry-picked from vintage magazines, saucy postcards, old books, nude photos, 60s/70s porno mags and an array of erotica creating flirtatious, sexy works of art.

Lady C accepts KINKY COLLAGE commissions using your own images & photos.

Contact her directly at: kinkycollage@gmail.com

More info on the BI-KINK CLUB event: http://www.bizarre-events.com

















Love & Kisses,

Aidan & Nina xXx


BiZarre Events - London's Most Extreme Fetish Sex Parties!
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Kinky Bisexuals: Ultimate Switches or Ultimate Outcasts? By Liz Highleyman

"Kinky Bisexuals: Ultimate Switches or Ultimate Outcasts?"

By Liz Highleyman  (1996, Cuir Underground)

---------------------------
"Bisexuals occupy an interesting position within sexual minority communities. On one hand, bis are seen as the ultimate in kinky perversion: "they'll do it with anyone -- how hot!" On the other hand, they're seen as an embarrassment by those seeking mainstream acceptance: "they'll do it with anyone -- that's shameful!"

The past several years have seen a reclaiming of middle ground that was previously considered forbidden territory. Many in the leather/SM community have proudly adopted a switch identity. Transgendered people both MTF and FTM -- have garnered widespread attention. And bisexual people -- and the bi movement -- are much more visible and active. This may be coincidental, but more likely reflects that alternative sexuality communities have become more willing to acknowledge fluidity of identity and to venture beyond established categories.

It's Not Easy Being Bi

But this doesn't mean that being a paradigm-smasher is easy. As Pat Califia says in Leatherfolk, comparing the 'in limbo' position of bisexuals, transsexuals, and switches: "everybody knows they're there, but no one wants to own them or say they belong."

I'm far from the first to note with puzzlement the discrepancy between how many people play with both (or more than one, or all) genders and how many call themselves "bisexual." At the leather conference in New York during Stonewall 25, a workshop of bis in the leather/SM community discussed their frustration with gay- and straight-identified people who play with both genders, but denigrate those who honestly adopt a bi identity. Across town at the bisexual conference, a similar discussion was taking place among leatherpeople in the bi community.

In some parts of the leather community -- some online communities, groups that gather around science fiction conventions, some spirituality-based communities -- bisexual identity is the norm. This is also the case in some other alternative sexuality communities, especially among polyamorists. But more commonly, bisexuality is conspicuous by its absence; it's like the elephant in the room that everyone pretends not to notice.

Within the mixed queer leather scene, there is a strong trend toward genderfuck, playing in cross-gendered roles, scenes with a person in male role playing with a person in female role, and dykes playing with and fucking -- fags. All of this is accompanied by a vociferous denial that there is anything bisexual (or, heaven forbid, heterosexual!) going on. Likewise in the heterosexual scene, playing with the same gender may be seen as good kinky fun -- especially if you're a women -- but it has few ramification in terms of sexual identity.

Certainly it's hard to define whether a sexual act is homo-, heteroor bisexual: what about two lesbians who like to watch gay male porn while having sex? or a woman who watches "lesbian" porn with her husband? or a man who likes his girlfriend to fuck him with a strap-on? or any couple in which one member is cross-dressed? But if the definitions are so slippery, why is everyone so sure they're not bi?

Bis in Leather History

Bis in Leather HistoryJust as bisexuality is swept under the rug, the bisexual heritage of the leather community is also rarely mentioned. In fact, the contemporary mixed queer leather scene was made possible by bisexuals. Steve McEachern, the creator of the Catacombs, was a bi man. He introduced his bisexual lover Cynthia Slater to the gay male fisting and SM scene. Slater then introduced her female lovers to this scene, and thus the stage was set for the new era of mixed gender and orientation play parties. People like Slater and David Lourea were not only bi in behavior, but out bi activists. Slater founded the Society of Janus (which while pansexual, has come to be widely regarded as predominantly hetero). Bi leatherfolk were also instrumental in the earliest AIDS prevention efforts, unsurprisingly, perhaps, since the bi and leather communities shared the stigma of being seen as "AIDS carriers."

Many types of SM play (bondage, flogging, cutting) do not necessarily depend on the sex or gender of either partner -- the root of the "a back is a back" theory of bisexual SM, which has been much maligned by those who perceive for a unique gender-based element in their play. Both bis and "monos" seem equally guilty of the "if it's that way for me, it must be that way for everybody" fallacy.

Fakir Musafar has praised the leather community as one where people who share an erotic identification are accepted regardless of sexual orientation. There are few spaces outside of leather/SM communities where people of various sexual identities interact in an erotic context. As people who identify as exclusively gay, lesbian, or heterosexual have begun to play in the same spaces, opportunities have arisen to interact erotically with people who would not normally have been thought of as potential partners.

Bi 101

Bisexuality is often viewed as the mid-range of a spectrum from homosexual to heterosexual. But bisexuals are not really "in between." Indeed, it may make as much sense to classify those who care a lot about gender together in one group and those who care little about gender in another. "Gender indifferent" bisexuals often annoy others by claiming to "love people, not genitals" -- implying that gays, lesbians, and hets care only about whether someone has a cock or a cunt.

A more accurate characterization is that many bis do not rule out potential partners on the basis of sex/gender though they may well do so for other reasons! Many don't like the term "bisexual" at all since it implies a binary understanding of sex/gender, as well as the idea that sex/gender is the most important aspect of our sexual attractions. After all, we don't say we're bisexual if we're attracted to both blonds and redheads -- or even, interestingly, to both butches and femmes.

Some people refuse to believe that bisexuality exists, claiming that they must really be curious hets, closeted gays, or "half gay and half straight." Some bisexuals seem to thrive in this atmosphere, moving within gay/lesbian or heterosexual communities and adapting themselves in a chameleon-like way to their current milieu. But others long to express their sexuality as a seamless whole rather than a collection of parts, and hate trying to keep track of which lovers and situations can be mentioned in which contexts. "Don't talk about that part of yourself here," we are admonished, "there are other places for that." But there are precious few places that welcome us as whole people.

Fortunately San Francisco has several pansexual parties and venues (e.g., LINKS, Queen of Heaven) that welcome bisexuals specifically -- or at least bi women. These groups typically do not welcome heterosexual or non-gay-identified bi men, which can put bi women with het or bi male lovers in a bind, especially if they are too queer for, or feel stifled by the rigid conventions of, the heterosexual SM milieu. There remain few places to explore and practice new, non-gender-role-based relationships between men and women.

Although bi women and leatherdykes have often been associated -- a common "male identified" enemy of cultural feminism in the sex wars of the 1980s -- inclusion of bi women in lesbian space is still a hot issue. Although most spaces accept bi women who are willing to pass as lesbian, the "bisexual wars" still flare up with some regularity. Gay men seem more willing to accept bi men -- if you suck cock, it doesn't seem to be a big deal if you eat pussy too. But the "swinger" type bisexual man -- typically older, straight-identified, perhaps using the bi label to gain access to bi women -- and the closeted bi man -- possibly married, not part of the gay community -- are widely reviled.

Other than homophobic bigotry or a (unfortunately understandable) hatred of all things heterosexual, are there other reasons for the widespread disavowal of the bisexual identity? Bisexuality challenges the accepted dualistic way of conceptualizing sexuality and gender, and many people value his conceptualization as a basis for their identity. There's also the puritanical notion that bisexuals are just having too damn much fun people shouldn't be able to 'have their cake and eat it too'!

Not long ago I couldn't understand how anyone could practice, enjoy, and even advocate sex with both (all) genders, yet still oppose bisexuality as a concept or an identity. It has since become increasingly clear that for many people, sexual identity has almost entirely to do with self-conception and community affinity, and almost nothing to do with sexual attraction or behavior. All of which has interesting implications for how our language of sexuality is evolving, how our political communities are organized, and how we might best struggle for liberation and civil rights.

It may well be that the future movement for sexual and gender liberation, for the freedom to be who we want to be and to love and fuck who and how we choose, will be based not on our current irreparably bipolar conceptions of sexuality and gender -- homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual; man woman and transgender -- but rather on communities of affinity -- kinky, perv, queer, sex radical -- that are inclusive rather than exclusive."



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What is the strangest / funniest / wierdest / sexiest kink or fetish you've ever heard of?

Go on - spill the beans on this one! We're thinking 'someone getting dressed up in a bunny-suit, getting beaten with a giant carrot' maybe...?



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Here's a fantastic video about kink & BDSM.



Thank you guys! Great contribution indeed!!!

Love, Aidan & Nina xXx

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Anyone on here knowing a person giving lessons on the bullwhip giving not receiving. Thankyou.

BiZarre Events - London's Most Extreme Fetish Sex Parties!
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HI there does anyone as knowledge of some good Shibari classes or workshops for couples?


Would love to take my other half to one...



BiZarre Events - London's Most Extreme Fetish Sex Parties! Web: http://www.bizarre-events.com Email: bizarreeventslondon@gmail.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's a joke for you guys...

Q: Whats the difference between kinky and perverted?

A: Kinky is wanting to use a feather, perverted is wanting to use the whole chicken.



BiZarre Events - London's Most Extreme Fetish Sex Parties! Web: http://www.bizarre-events.com Email: bizarreeventslondon@gmail.com --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What makes a good Dominant? What makes a good submissive?

Please share your thoughts & comments on this. We're thinking about personal qualities, responsibilities, abilities, experience...



Love, Aidan xXx


BiZarre Events - London's Most Extreme Fetish Sex Parties!
Web: http://www.bizarre-events.com
Email: bizarreeventslondon@gmail.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Only this morning I was looking in one of the the fetish groups, getting confused. Speaking of which, what is a munch?

Hi - in a nutshell, a munch is an informal gathering of kinky-folk in a public environment such as a pub/bar.

There will normally not be any play, dresscode etc but rather the focus is on meeting each other and discussing various issues or just having a social pint with other interesting people.

Consequently, munches are a very good way for any newbies to get introduced to the kink scene without having to jump into a full-on fetish event or a club night.

Hope this helps...

Love, Aidan x

How to introduce kink to a 'vanilla' partner...


Hello All, Here's a question for those more experienced kinksters (presumably). It'd be brilliant to hear your experiences, your successes and of course also your failures, if you'd like to share..?

Love & Kisses,

Aidan xXx


BiZarre Events - London's Most Extreme Fetish Sex Parties!
Web: http://www.bizarre-events.com
Email: bizarreeventslondon@gmail.com
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thinking Kink: Is Vanilla Sex Boring? Who Gets to Decide?

A very interesting article in BITCH MAGAZINE by Catherine Scott:

"One of the reasons I didn't dare join a fetish community website, or go to a play party, 'til years after I was first curious about BDSM, was a subconscious sense that I was probably "too vanilla." I didn't dress head-to-toe in latex or own any seven-inch heels, and I didn't take my partner down to the local shops on a dog leash.

I've since realized that the scene is open to anyone who feels their sexual tastes land outside the mainstream—there's no test you have to pass. However, by labelling every non-kinky person as effectively the same, is the BDSM community just as judgmental as those who judge us?"

READ MORE: http://bitchmagazine.org/post/thinking-kink-vanilla-sex-bdsm-feminist-magazine-sexuality

About Kink for Beginners

This blog is for everyone regardless of race, age, nationality, abilitiy, religion, sex, gender or gender-identity (and that includes those of you who identify as straight of course!), but with a bias towards the LGBTQ+ communities.

It is meant to be a starting point for those of you who have an interest in subjects relating to kink and fetish, but who may not have had a chance to explore this realm and/or connect with those already active in 'the scene'. And a platform for those of you who are already involved in kink and fetish, and who are happy to share their experiences and offer guidance and advise.

We would like to offer a platform for you to make contact, meet up, ask questions and provide answers relating to anything from the most basic ideas and concepts of kink, to informed advice on health, ethical and moral-related issues with regards to kink, fetish and sex.

This group is also meant to be a liaison between other related groups and communities, and a forum for guest-experts. Also, this space offers a medium for organisers of munches and other kink-related events to talk about their specific propositions.

Please treat this blog as an inclusive and sex-positive platform for open-mided, respectful discussion and intelligent and informative debate. A free and open resource, to be shared.

If you are new to kink and fetish, please feel free to ask ANYTHING without fear of being judged by anyone. If you are already an experienced kinkster please answer to the best of your knowlegde and experience - your views are extremely valuable!

Lots of Love,

Aidan & Nina xXx

About Nina & Aidan

Hi, we are Nina & Aidan, your hosts in this group. Besides of being natural 'perverts' and predispositioned kinky fetishists we also have many years of first-hand and direct experience in the adult/sex industry.

For quite a while we have grown more and more frustrated with the lack of full-on adult fetish sex parties catering to the more extreme kinks and fetishes. This sort of party normally only happend on the gay scene...

Therefore we have decided to host the hottest and most extreme full-on adult fetish parties in London. Parties where everyone is welcome, irrespective of their sex, gender, gender identity or sexuality!

We promote non-judgemental diversity in alternative nightlife through liberated, intelligent and consensual expression of sex, sexuality and gender.

Both of us identify as bisexual - or pansexual to be more precise. We have strong links with and interests in the LGBTQ+ communities here in London as well as elsewhere. And hopefully this group will also be a little 'soap box' to raise issues of sex, sexuality and gender in general.

Lots of Love,

Aidan & Nina xXx

http://www.bizarre-events.com

We are sex-affirmative / sex-positive = Sex is nice and pleasure is good for you!

List of Kink, Fetish and Sex / Sexuality / LGBTQ+Information

This list is supposed to be a 'work in progress' type of thingie. Here are some links to start with, but we would like you to add your own favourites too. So, please feel free to add (but please DO NOT delete anything). If you have any commewnts about the content here please contact either myself (Aidan BiZarre) or one of the Admins.

www.fetlife.com - Kinky version of Facebook, and a great way to get in touch with the local and international kink & fetish communities. Oh, and it's free too...

www.southwarklgbtnetwork.com - Southwark Lesbian Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Network (Southwark LGBT Network) is an unincorporated association founded in 2002. Its purpose is to build and strengthen LGBT communities in Southwark so as to improve the quality of life of LGBT people who live, work, study or socialise in Southwark and reduce our vulnerability to hate crime, harassment and discrimination.

www.backlash-uk.org.uk - From the beginning of 2009 it has been illegal for anyone in England and Wales to possess an “extreme” image, even if the activity it depicts is legal. This site monitors implementation of the law and provides sources of advice for many otherwise law abiding citizens inadvertently caught up in this. Backlash supports the right to consensual adult human pornography, and the repeal of section 63 of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008.

www.gingerbeer.co.uk - Gingerbeer is your local area information guide for the lesbian and bisexual women’s community listing events, bars & clubs, community groups, sports clubs, professional services, and much more. Plus live chat and forums mean you can connect to other women in the Gingerbeer community.

www.londonfetishscene.com - A very valuable resource! Talks & informs about what it says on the box...

www.erolife.co.uk - Find active swingers and fetishists, living in the UK, UK swinger clubs, party organisers and fetish clubs with full profile including weekly parties & events, prices and photos.

www.tanos.org.uk - BDSM-related blog by the creator of 'Informed Consent'.

http://caan.org.uk - Consenting Adult Action Network is a network of individuals and organisations fighting for the freedom of adults to view, or engage in consensual activities in private. We want to reclaim our human rights to privacy and self expression and to be allowed a lifestyle, or sexuality of our own choosing.

http://www.spannertrust.org - The Trust was set up in 1995 in the wake of the Spanner case to manage the monies raised in the UK, Europe and the USA for the defendants' appeal to the European Court of Human Rights. The objectives of the Trust are now primarily to advocate and lobby for a change in the UK law with regard to consensual sadomasochistic activity. The Trustees are SM practitioners of standing within the fetish communities - gay, lesbian or heterosexual.

http://facnews.blogspot.co.uk - Feminists Against Censorship was formed in 1989 by a group of long-time feminist academics and campaigners who wished to fight censorship from a feminist perspective.

http://www.sfc.org.uk - The Sexual Freedom Coalition brings together all the groups campaigning for sexual freedom, to form a united force. We also campaign ourselves when we feel this is necessary, and speak out for sexual freedom at every opportunity. We actively challenge the Home Office, governments, religion, police and press for the sexual freedom of all consenting adults.

http://www.wizdomme.com - Since 1997, this site has provided information for people interested in BDSM and/or dominant/submissive explorations, lifestyle and activities.

http://www.towerofbabel.com/sections/erotica/submittedforyourapproval/indexofterminology/ - BDSM terminology.

http://www.kinksex-ed.org - Web site for non-judgmental sex information focussed on kink.

http://www.smdykes.org.uk - aim to support lesbian and bisexual SM-ers through meetings and play parties. We welcome all women who live full-time as women, and FTM, genderqueer and intersexed persons who feel that they still have links to the women’s community.