Thursday 10 October 2013

How to introduce kink to a 'vanilla' partner...


Hello All, Here's a question for those more experienced kinksters (presumably). It'd be brilliant to hear your experiences, your successes and of course also your failures, if you'd like to share..?

Love & Kisses,

Aidan xXx


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16 comments:

  1. Communication! current lover is a lovely but repressed man, so many women have expected him to change and be what they want for them to be happy... first thing i did was find out who he is and what turns him on, no matter how tame i would find it and then slowly do all he likes (i am a bit greedy with him)

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  2. I would take the partner to a non-kink event at which there is some kinky subtext or a dedicated room/part with a kink flavour. This allows a non-directed introduction with ambient inspiration and an escape route! A good example is the Last Tuesday Society which have all kinds of vanilla fun, but for a long time have had a dungeon room kitted out at their London events. More recently I've been helping them to encourage play in there, and the results have been great - lots of vanilla people had their first experience being restrained and/or flogged/spanked/frisked there last event and it proved a good way for several kinksters to gently nudge their partners down that path. I had a brilliant testimonial from one girl who I spanked whilst their vanilla husband watched - seems he loved it as much as her, and it kick-started their personal exploration of kink together. V rewarding.

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  3. Tie me up and let me have it!

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  4. I did that to my wife and she banished me to the spare room for a week! LOL!

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  5. Best way, find out what turns them on, then take it to level 5 before they have chance to think, you can always blame your emotions afterwards or lack of control

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  6. Just going slowly.

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  7. It depends on your partner's motivation for your own pleasure... And give her (him) the time to explore his (her) own kinky side. Sorry, I'm a "soft player" + french + lesbian + I don't speak english very well...

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  8. You shouldn't apologise for any of those things (not even being French!). @PREVIOUS COMMENT: I can't tell if you're joking, but surely central to kink is control at all times - you lose that trust, and nobody will want to risk pushing boundaries with you in future. Consent is king. Even when playing with concepts of helplessness/servitude/submission.

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  9. Totally and 100% agreed! No control = no play... Respect, communication, knowlegde, control, and the resulting trust are absolutely critical. Axxx

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  10. Is there really such a big divide between kinky sex and vanilla sex? My thinking is that in any really hot sexual encounter there is a power dynamic going on. The kinksters just like to formalise things a bit - add a bit of bondage, some whips, the odd dildo - but the energy we play with is all their in a tug of the hair or a rough push back onto the bed..

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  11. The big thing is that you dont HAVE to have sex and participate in kink... but for most of us.. we want that!!! in a very simple way to explain something very complex... think of kink as a more extreme system of foreplay

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  12. Also, for me, i enjoy mind games.... i find mental stimulation far more exciting

    Surely, it's a communication issue and also depends on how vanilla they are.

    For many people blindfolds aren't kinky, but having sex with the lights on is.

    For some anal sex is commonplace, yet others would regard it as very deviant.

    So you can't kinkify someone unless you determine their current level of kink.

    I rarely use 'kink' in communication, as that often brings to mind pre-conceived ideas of activities.

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  13. Communication...trust and a caring for your partner...slowly introducing them to new things that they discover they enjoy and eventually you might take them to the level you need...My new vanilla girlfriend is quite shy...but her confidence is building...

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  14. That sounds like you are both very much on the right track. Fantastic! Enjoy! Axxx

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  15. Great work. I think that the media portrayal of BDSM doesn't help when leading beginners down this wonderfully wicked path. There is usually a very intimidating looking dungeon where more often or not a murder has taken place in shady circumstances. Not terribly inviting. The softer, sensual side is rarely seen.

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  16. Too true - it's a popular misconception we're all (just) a bunch of malevolent sadists. Sensuality is the important contrast against the rough - it's the yin and yang of kink, and gets neglected/brushed over by ignorant onlookers.

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